Dang, The Cheat...

Yes, I have new boots. Amanda finally coerced me into getting them. They make me feel taller (ABSOLUTELY NO SHORT JOKES!) Meh, more later.

Remake Summer

Maybe I should just become a critic, you know? I hear the pay is nice, and all I have to do is put my rage and frustration into words. Much easier than actually coming up with something that's entertaining. Anyway, on to the post (I appologize in advance for the length).

The Amityville Horror

Well, here's a movie that I enjoyed the first time around. That's one point. It also has Ryan Reynolds in it. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I mean, he MADE Blade Trinity. Buy Amityville? I'm willing to give this a shot, but I'm not hopeful.

House of Wax

I vaguely remember watching the original (made in 1953) when I was a kid. It obviously didn't leave much of an impression, so nothing there. And the cast...ugh. Paris Hilton. There aren't enough sammiches in the world.

The Longest Yard

What? Who's drug addled fever dream brought about a remake of this? No, no, no. And I'll bet you'll love the cast, too. Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, and Burt Reynolds, with Micheal Irvin thrown in for good measure. This makes my skull throb.

The Honeymooners

To the moon? Hardly. The show was alright, but I can't see it porting well to feature length. And who do they get to play Ralph Kramden? John Goodman seems like he might be a good fit. Do they use Goodman? Of course not. Let's go with CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER instead. I think I can see you all wincing from here.

Batman Begins

Again? It's hard to get excited about another Batman movie. I'll admit that Batman was about the only role I found Micheal Keaton any good in. But the travesties they've hoisted on me since (George Clooney? Someone must've been cooking crystal meth in their skull cavity) have really made the concept seem less than appealing. But everything I've heard about this one makes me curious. I suppose I might try this one, but this is Hollywood's last chance to impress me with the Dark Knight.

Bewitched

I can see Amanda's face light up for this one. Though I am loathe to admit it, I used to watch the show quite a bit. The main cast looks solid as well: Nicole Kidman, Will Farrell, Shirley McLaine, and Michael Caine. I'm afraid I may have to sneak into this one somehow.

The Dukes of Hazzard

WHAT?!? That guy, with the meth, he may have had some moonshine distilling in...well, it doesn't bear describing. And the cast, you ask? Sean William Scott and JOHNNY KNOXVILLE as the Duke boys, with Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke. Burt Reynolds (again?) and Willie Nelson round out the stars (I use the term loosely here) of this remake that I would absolutely avoid...if not for the director: Jay Chandrasekhar. OKAY!! That's right. The man who brought you Super Troopers and Club Dread is remaking The Dukes of Hazzard. Who would have guessed? Now I have to see it on principle.

Herbie: Fully Loaded

That guy, with the meth and the moonshine? Not even he would think to remake the fucking Love Bug. Eww. It makes me feel dirty. Lindsey Lohan stars along with the afformentioned Michael Keaton. Yuck. Maybe we could feed Paris Hilton the enormous turd sandwich this movie will be.

War of the Worlds

I guess I'll give Speilburg a chance with this one, maybe. Not much else to say about it.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

So Tim Burton directing Johnny Depp in a movie about dru...err, candy has me intrigued. I can only hope that they drop the random acts of song and dubious dance (except the Oompa-Loompa stuff, maybe). If they just go nuts with it (which the promo shots I've seen seem to suggest that they will), it should be pretty good. We'll have to see, I guess.

The Bad News Bears

Again with the sports movie remake. And Billy Bob Thornton. Umm...right, I'll just be hanging out with Methshine Man, away from this travesty.

Doom

I'm not sure how they're going to sqeeze enough plot out of the video games to get a movie. Oh, wait, yes I am. They're going to merrily ignore the games and take the movie to a Martian moon. Some Hell. But wait, The Rock will be in it. Nevermind, it is Hell afterall.

Aeon Flux

Okay. Umm...wow. Who would have thought? Not I. Not til today. With Charlize Theron as Aeon herself. And Celeborn as Trevor. Is anyone else anticipating this as much as I am? I hope so.


That pretty much rounds out the remake siezure of Hollywood this summer. Some of these I would never have thought would have made it to the big screen. Some I had sincerly hoped never would. Comments? Questions? Disturbed by Methshine Man?

Can't stand the wait

I hate prioritizing my entertainment expendatures. It's only worse with the car down and Amanda's brother coming to visit for a week. Not that that's a bad thing, just makes picking and choosing harder. Revenge of the Sith is obviously a top choice, because, well, see left column. But the Guide will be in theaters a scant 7 days later. At least the RotS movie won't be out until May, giving me some time to recover.

Movie Funtime

Okay, so I haven't had a lot to say. Sue me.

First up, there is a new version of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe coming out this December. I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not. But I did think the title of one of the IMDb forum posts: Loved the mini series but I don't like the christian subtext. Yeah, damn those TV types and adding their own swill to a perfectly good book.

Boondock II. No release information on IMDb, nothing on the official site, and I'm starting to wonder if it's a good idea. There's no way the sequal can have the same depth and exploration of character. It's just going to be a straight action flick. Meh. Maybe I'm just pessimistic.

Hitchhiker's Guide. Still can't wait. The small clips of Alan Rickman's voice work in the trailer are great. Not to mention Willow. What? What do you mean Leprechaun? There is no such film. I defy you to prove it.

And no complaints about me being link happy either.

On to lighter subjects

Well, with all of the events of yesterday, I think I need to vent something random. Let's try this:

Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness

Lets start with the controls. Unresponsive is a word. It is a word that falls wholely and completely short of describing the mentally stunted retard that the controls of this game are. It takes a full second to the game to register that you're trying to turn, jump, or start moving. It's like trying to herd a brain damaged walrus.

The crouch movement is borderline pronographic. I understand that in part, these games are marketed on a set of 36DDs (which actually look toned down in AoD, but that may just be the fact that Lara isn't in her skin tight tank top in the beginning of the game), but do they have to have her get on all fours and raise her ass directly at the camera?

Oh well, I'll probably end up giving it another go tonight, as I can't seem to get MYST or Thief II to install.

Sorry for the hiatus

Well, so, the last week has been okay. The LAN party on Saturday was better than I expected. I didn't suck nearly as badly as I was anticipating. I was actually closer to my nick (Kosall) than I predicted. This sucks, I have no drive or imagination right now. Bleh.